A Crack in The Stained Glass: How "Turn It Off" by Paramore is a Masterclass in the Depiction of Religious Deconstruction

I’ve always been a casual listener of Paramore for as long as I can remember. I recall listening to “Ain’t It Fun” in elementary school, throwing it back to the emo 2000s days (of which I was a toddler) with “Misery Business” in middle school, “Hard Times” in high school, and learning of the deeper cut "Let The Flames Begin” in my very first semester of college from TikTok. 

It wasn’t until about 3 and a half years ago that I did a deep dive into the band’s full discography in preparation for the release of their 6th studio album This Is Why. I was honestly kind of surprised to learn that Paramore started off as a Christian Rock band. When I listened to their 2009 album, Brand New Eyes, I was awestruck by the melodies, instrumentals, and, of course, Hayley Williams’ powerhouse vocals. But, honestly, I wasn’t paying much attention to the lyrics at first. However, once I did, I was astonished by the writing, especially considering how young the band members were at this time. 

What I want to discuss with you today, is how one of my favorite Paramore tracks sonically, “Turn It Off,” is also a masterclass in the depiction of Deconstructing Faith.

But first, what is “Deconstruction?” As written on page 31 of Mary Klages’ Literary Theory: The Complete Guide, but lightly paraphrased by me, Deconstruction in a nutshell is when one finds a premise that depends on a binary opposition and then they begin to look for where that premise begins to crumble and fall apart. Deconstruction helps us to understand that “Truth” and absoluteness are impossible concepts. Those who engage in deconstruction are called bricoleurs, which, in other words, is someone who doesn’t care or value the common need for a system’s “Truth,” and, instead takes pieces of a flawed system (which all systems are) and uses those pieces to do what they want.

Secondly, what does Faith have to do with deconstruction? How is Christianity a flawed system? While I don’t have the time to explain the ins and outs of the evilness (my opinion) of Organized Religion, what I can say is that Christianity (and all other organized religions) weaponize fear and Faith in tandem as a means of controlling large populations of naive people. 

In the United States specifically, we are largely operating under “Christian” values (whether or not these professed values actually coincide with the initial intentions of the Church and what constitutes as “Real Christian Values” is not for me to decide) in an institutionalized manner and it has absolutely been weaponized to control the masses to upheed the federal government and major corporations’ more sinister agendas against the common people. For example, using the Bible as an excuse to hate crime LGBTQ+ individuals for “living in sin,” when really all they are doing is being themselves. 

Another example is how, with the rise of conservatism as it coincides with the increasing popularity of Christianity, many people have socially regressed into more rigid and misogynistic gender roles. We are seeing a massive uptick in anti-feminism and “Trad-Wives”--women who want to marry at 18 and stay at home and have 3500 babies and never think again a day in their lives (which, how can you expect to never think again if you are a mom and a homemaker?) so long as they get to wear pretty dresses and talk in unnaturally soft voices. These are just 2 of the MANY ways in which Christianity, as a system, is flawed in the United States. 

I barely even scratched the surface of it all, but for the sake of not keeping you too long, I want to wrap up this point so we can get into the fun stuff which is talking about the music. Many people who grow up Christian, especially in the US South (it’s called the Bible Belt for a reason, where Hayley is from and grew up (Mississippi and Tennessee, respectively), are brainwashed into bigotry all in the name of succumbing to what is Right (pun not intended, but really appreciated), their Faith. When people grow older, however, if they are lucky enough they will develop enough critical thinking skills to begin to question the system of Christianity (which is not as easy to do as it is to type about), becoming bricoleurs and thus deconstructing their Faith altogether.

Okay, now that we got all of that out of the way, now we can finally talk about the music! Yay!

“Turn It Off” is a song that directly calls Hayley Williams’ Faith into question. She wants to know what it would be like to not need to rely on God to feel assured and she wishes she could turn away from the church entirely. 

I think the best line of this song is also the opening line of the song, in which Hayley sings, “I scraped my knees while I was praying.” I mean, wow. This line perfectly encapsulates the earliest stages of Faith Deconstruction. She’s still going through the motions of cooperating with the system, but for the first time, she’s noticing that it is hurting her. She’s on her knees praying to God, and what does she get in return but 2 scraped knees? In this moment, Hayley begins her transformation into the bricoleur. She is recognizing where the Christian institution is breaking down, but is still using the pieces of it she doesn’t entirely reject to her advantage and to satisfy the system.

The next line reads as follows, “And found a demon in my safest haven.” The demon in this case would be the hatred proudly touted by so many Christians and the flaws of the religion altogether, and the safest haven would, of course, be her Faith itself. Feeling like you can no longer be safe in something you used to feel was your home can be an extremely jarring experience, and I think that, frankly, it leaves you with no other option than to Deconstruct. You have to call into question why something that is meant to bring you peace and love and keep you feeling safe suddenly makes you feel sick and like you’re living with a demon. Additionally, I love the choice of the word “found” here in this line because it makes it clear that the demon has always been there, just maybe more hidden or less obvious to those who aren’t looking for it. Maybe you can't go looking for the demon at all, maybe it finds you.

The next lines are:

    Seems like it’s getting harder to believe in anything

    Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts

    I wanna know what it’d be like

    To find perfection in my pride, to see nothing in the light

    But turn it off in all my spite

    In all my spite, I’ll turn it off

As we close out the first verse, again, we are seeing Hayley strongly grappling with the idea of having any sort of faith in anything at all. She wonders what it would be like if she could revel in her success (her “pride” and “selfish thoughts”) without feeling guilt for Sinning (Pride is deemed a Sin by the Church). She’s struggling to not give into the joys of her successes. She doesn’t want to believe in God (see nothing in the light) anymore, but she can’t help that she does. She’s begging to know what it would be like if she could just turn off the part of her that believes--and then she does.

The song then takes us to an emotional chorus:

    And the worst part is, before it gets any better

    We’re headed for a cliff

    And in the freefall I will realize

    I’m better off when I hit the bottom

In this stage of her fresh Deconstruction, Hayley is feeling horrendous guilt for questioning all she’s ever known at all. She believes she’ll have to fall (question Christianity) before she can fly (become one with the Lord again), only once she begins to fall, she realizes there’s no way to stop herself from hitting rock bottom (no Faith). Once she gets to the bottom, she realizes that she’s better off entirely and there’s nowhere for her to go but up.

                                                

In the second half of the second verse, Hayley continues on by saying:

    Well I can see behind the curtain (I can see now)

    The wheels are cranking, turning

    It’s all wrong, the way we’re working

    Towards a goal that’s nonexistent

    It’s nonexistent, but we just keep believing

Here, she’s acknowledging again that the veil has been lifted and she can see the fundamental flaws of Christianity. She’s trying to piece everything together to make sense of this radical realization and it’s slow, but heavy. She’s realizing that the way they’ve all been living their lives so devoutly is all wrong and it’s leading them nowhere. Heaven isn’t real, God isn’t real, but they’re going to keep believing anyway. I think it’s also notable how she includes herself by saying “we,” since Deconstruction is not a single-pronged action, but rather a process that involves a lot of heavy mental work that does not occur in an instant. She can’t fully disassociate herself from her Faith yet, despite desperately wanting and needing to.

The bridge of the song repeats the lyrics from the first verse about wanting to know what it would be like, etc. Only this time, she slightly adjusts the lyrics to:

    And turn it off in all my spite

    In all my spite, I’ll turn it off

    Just turn it off

    Again

             Again, again

This addition of just a few more words solidifies her acceptance that she has to “turn off the light” (Faith). She’s desperately making it known. “Just turn it off,” she urges. “Again!” She momentarily relapsed in that second verse by her inclusion of herself in those who keep believing in what is nonexistent, and she knows this, which is why she has to turn it off again. Additionally, her vocals in this bridge go from meek and soft in the first few lines, but by the time she says, “Just turn it off,” she sounds angry, before finally letting out a crying belt jam-packed with emotions as she repeats the word “again.”

                                Two of my favorite live versions of this moment!

Overall, I find this track to be a shockingly raw and stunning depiction of how Deconstruction occurs in an individual who has known nothing but Faith and is still surrounded by members of the Church at all times (her bandmates). She’s been slowly discovering the cracks in the religious institution and this track serves as the pivotal moment in her Faith crisis, where she realizes there is no turning back once you turn it off. Each word of each lyric is so carefully chosen and crafted to take us on a journey and when you combine that with her vocals, it feels like we’re freefalling off that cliff right alongside her. 

Notes from me: 

1. Writing this was genuinely so difficult because I am so incredibly moved by these lyrics and by this track that it is entirely overwhelming. It’s so good!!! I LOVE PARAMORE!!!!!!!!!!!

2. I always hate how I can’t fully explain the entirety of the lore behind these topics, as I would personally love to sit here and just tell you all about the drama behind Paramore and their history, but I promised myself I would try to keep these posts a bit more focused, for both your sake and the sake of me completing these at a more reasonable pace.

3. If you would like to hear other tracks that touch on Hayley’s deconstruction, might I suggest to you,“Playing God,” from Paramore’s Brand New Eyes, “Let The Flames Begin,” from Paramore’s Riot!, its sequel track, “Part II,” from Paramore’s self-titled album, and “True Believer,” from Hayley Williams’ 3rd solo album, Ego Death At A Bachelorette Party. These tracks aside, there are also a plethora of tracks in Paramore’s early discography that lay out where they were at in their Faiths, pre-Deconstruction. Of those, I would recommend, “My Heart,” from All We Know Is Falling and “We Are Broken,” from Riot!.